Curly Boy Is Bullied By Teacher...

So about a week ago I noticed that Mr. C's hair was starting to grow and needed to be cut.  I told him we were going to cut it that night but once I got done styling Miss C's hair, I was too tired to drag out the clippers so we decided to wait til the next day.  I wasn't feeling good for the next 2 days, so it didn't end up happening then either.  Anyway, Thursday night rolls around and Mr. C's hair has yet to be cut.  I turned to him and said    "Mr. C we haven't cut your hair yet and it's just about bed time! How about tomorrow night?"
Now usually Mr. C is the one who puts off hair cutting, but this time I could tell he actually wanted it to be cut.  He let out a loud sigh and threw himself back into the couch.  I asked him    "What's the matter- did you want it cut tonight?"  Mr. C nodded his head and said  "Yeah.... My teacher was making fun of me about my hair all day today!"
At this point I wanted to cry and scream at once.  I tried to stay calm though, and I asked  "Is that true?"
Mr. C's voice sounded sincere, and his face looked serious.
He said    "Yes! He really did make fun of me!  He kept telling me 'You're rough!' ..  'You're the rough boy!'  ..  'Ooooh- you need a hair cut!'  ..  And he kept coming to my desk to rub my hair when he said that to me!"

I wasn't sure what to think.  I was sad because I knew that hurt Mr. C's feelings and his self esteem was probably knocked down.
I was mad at myself for not cutting his hair sooner, and even more mad at his teacher for pointing it out in front of the class like that and picking on my son!
I always take anything said about my kids very personally and sometimes I take things the wrong way-once I even yelled at someone for saying my kids were precious! : /   I guess I just found the remark sarcastic....?  Anyway, I'm overly protective so I try to keep that in mind when it comes to comments and actions that have to do with either of my children.
I got to thinking about it (it didn't take me long) and I decided that no matter how Mr. C's teacher meant for his comments to come out, my son took offense to them and he had no right to say anything about his appearence- joking or not! 

So I told Mr. C to go get the clippers and I gave him the best haircut I could possibly give him.  Then I decided to write his teacher a little letter!  Here's what it said....


Mr. "Teacher",

             If you would like to call someone names, I'd be more than happy to come to the school so you could call me names.
Mr. C gets his hair cut when I feel like doing it.  He has no control over this, as he is a little boy, and does not need your comments knocking down his self esteem.

                                                                           Thank- You!



That's nothing compared to what I wanted to say, but I try to teach my kids to stay classy.  After all, I have to be able to show my face in his school agian right?!
Anyway, what do you think of my letter?  What would you have done/said differently?

I can't call this a racism thing because Mr. C's teacher and all but 3 kids in his class are African American.... although there are some people who are racist against biracial people too!
I told Mr. C (not trying to sound racist myself)   "I know there has to be at least one other kid in your class with worse hair than yours! .... And your hair is NOT that bad!"   That's when he told me there was another boy in his class with hair longer than his, and it was messy.  So it really doesn't make much sence to me!

"Will it ever get better?"

We went out of town this weekend to visit family.  On Friday C's hair was in a ponytail with a headband, so of course I had to do some detangling before bed.  While me and C were getting her hair ready for a quick protective braid, my mom asked me "Will her hair ever get any better?"  Of course that question made me a little upset, but I didn't let it show because I didn't think it was meant to sound the way it did to me.  I just said "What do you mean "better"? What's wrong with it?" My mom said to me "I was just wondering if it would ever get better... or worse." 

I've explained to her (and several other people) that C's hair is the way it is and that's the only way it's ever going to be as long as I have any control over her!
I explained that again, as nicely as possible and told her C's hair would only get "worse" if she didn't take care of it.  It really did upset me that someone would say something negative about C's hair with her sitting right there, but then again, we're used to our family making comments like this, so it didn't come as much of a surprise.

I hear my mom, my grandma and even my sister telling people that I do really amazing things with C's hair, and that they are impressed or proud, but then they can turn around and say the exact opposite later when no one else is around.  I've gotten to the point where I don't want to be around family at a time I'm going to have to comb C's hair because we always get the same speech...  "If I had to deal with hair like that, I'd straighten it and keep it real short!  I don't know why you would put yourself or C through all that!"
My mom (and other family) says they 'like' what I can do with C's hair, but think it looks best down.  Of course that means lots of extra detangling, which brings extra criticism.
I also don't like any of my family to see C with her hair in braids because they constantly ask her if it hurts, and call her "Poor little C"! If that wasn't bad enough on it's own, they always have to touch it and insist that it hurt when C's hair was being done.  I hardly ever add accessories to C's hair when I know family will see it, because that looks "like a black girl's hair"...  Like that's supposed to be a bad thing! No matter how I do C's hair, even if I cut it all off and keep it permed, she will always be half black and that will never change!  Both of my children were planned and made out of love.  They're everything I wanted them to be and more, so why can't people understand that?

I still do C's hair however I want it or however she asks me to do it no matter what anyone else thinks or says, but it all still makes me really mad- not to mention sad!  Everyone says they accept my kids, but how can you honestly say that when you constantly bring up something about them that isn't good enough for you and that you want to change about them? 


If you go through anything like this, I'd like to hear what you say to people.
If you are getting the sense that someone is racist or un-approving of your child(ren), you know how it feels.  I find myself not only feeling guilty if I don't do C's hair a special way, but also feeling like people are looking at us feeling sorry for my daughter because of the way her hair looks.  Maybe they think I don't know how to take care of her hair or I'm too lazy to do it when I'm actually just giving it a break from styling.  C doesn't like her hair looking messy either- I'll catch her looking in the mirror trying to smooth down her frizzies, and sometimes she'll ask me to redo her hair.  I always do it for her, but I make sure to tell her "It doesn't look bad- I'm doing this for you because you asked."  That way I'm not giving her the idea that I agree her hair looks bad.

The advice I would offer to anyone is don't let it affect the way you take care of your child(ren).  Not just their hair, but them as a whole.  Don't let anyone make you feel like your child is not good enough, or that there is a certain way they should look. 
Even though it hurts my feelings that instead of hearing "You did a good job on her hair!" I hear "Oh, why would you do that to her hair?  I can't believe you make that poor little girl sit through that!"   I still want to instill in C's head that she is beautiful and her curly hair is not only beautiful, but the way she was born and she should embrace it and love herself the way she is!
Whenever C tells me that someone at school says anything negative about her hair, I tell her it's because they're jealous.  I have her believing that!  :)  I'd rather fill her head with self confidence and make her full of herself than fill her head with negativity and give her low self esteem. 
I do C's hair however we decide to do it and if that makes anyone unhappy, that's just too bad! 

I find myself constantly having to justify styling my own daughter's hair.  I explain that I'm actually doing C a big favor by doing her hair, because I've also met biracial (and all black or all white) children who get made fun of because they go to school with their hair messy and no one even cares enough for them to try and make it look decent.  I explain that although I think C's hair looks gorgeous down, I can't leave it down all the time because it gets knotted up and it's damaging to detangle.  I don't want to have to keep cutting pieces of C's hair- even if it is just 2 strand knots, because I want her hair to be long and healthy.  I spend a lot of time and money caring for C's hair because I love her and I want her hair to look it's best.  I want C to know that her natural hair is special and it can be beautiful when you take care of it.
Keep doing what you want and don't worry what anyone else likes or thinks. 
I always give C lots of compliments on how pretty she looks when I'm done with her hair and so far it's made it easier to get her to sit for long styling sessions.  I'm not going to let the ignorance of someone else decide how my daughter's hair will look and I want her to feel the same way.
This kind of ignorance is the exact reason why I ruined my son's hair and very well could have ruined C's hair.  I shared this story with you all in hopes that I could help even one person going through the same thing.  I hope that you will also make your own decisions and remember that your child already looks the way they are 'supposed' to look! 

Queen Helene Royal Curl Shaping Creme

I've been looking everywhere for a good curl defining/styling product.  I happened to find this at a BSS, and grabbed it.  I was sold after seeing the words "All Natural" on the label. 

Description:

In a hive, there’s only one queen whose diet is only Royal Jelly, a nutrient packed super-food with 17 amino acids, vitamins A, C, D, K and multiple B-vitamins. We use the Queen Bee’s Royal Jelly in Curl Shaping Créme to naturally tame frizz, define curls and smooth waves with silky hold. Pure Aloe Vera Gel and Agave Nectar quench your hair’s thirst without the grease, while powerful Green Tea antioxidants and intense moisturizers defend against damaging heat and humidity.

All natural: No harsh, or drying chemicals like alcohol, sulfates, petrolatum, parabens or phthalates.
Long live the queen!

I love the picture on the label and I thought the description was kinda cute too!  :)

Ingredients:

Aqua (Water) Glycerin Pectin Agave Rigida (Sisal) Extract Aloe Barbadensis Leaf Juice Camellia Sinensis Leaf Extract Royal Jelly Extract Carbomer Disodium EDTA Ethylhexyl Methoxycinnamate Tocopheryl Acetate Triethanolamine Phenoxyethanol Potassium Sorbate Sodium Benzoate Amyl Cinnamal Benzyl Benzoate Benzyl Salicylate Butylphenyl Methylpropional Citronellol Geraniol Hexyl Cinnamal Limonene Linalool Fragrance (Parfum)

Instructions:

Apply to wet hair. Start with dime-sized amount. Apply to ends first and work your way up by section, adding more as needed. Re-wet any dry sections. Be sure to smooth with fingers from root to tip to lengthen your curls and reduce the poof.

Consistency:

Light, somewhat runny

Scent:

I'm not sure how to describe the scent, but it's very nice.  It has a clean smell to me which I like a lot.

Price:

I found this at a BSS for $6.50 for a 15oz. tub!  That is a great deal for a natural product that works!

After I wet C's hair and detangled it thoroughly, I divided her hair into several small sections and added the Royal Curl Creme as the instructions said.  Once I added the creme to all of the hair in each section, I gently scrunched the hair from the ends up.

When C's hair started to dry, I noticed a little bit of crunchy hair, but that went away once it was completely dry.  There was no flaking, crunchiness or build-up from this product and it left C's curls pretty defined and bouncy- more so than anything else we've tried! 

This is a must have product when C wears her hair down, and I also like to use it to smooth down her edges.  It helps make all the little fly-away/baby hairs that poke out in the middle of the day stick together and form actual curls.  I will definitely be buying this again!

Have you tried this or any of the other Queen Helene Royal Curl products?  What did you think?

Chunky Cornrows With Zig Zag Pattern

I wasn't at all in the mood to do anything with C's hair, especially cornrows!  I finally talked myself into doing something simple.  I wanted a style that would last from Thursday until Sunday.  Her hair was very frizzy and messy by Sunday, but at least we didn't have to mess with combing it out for a few days.

I just started making parts and cornrows, and I noticed a little bit of a zig-zag pattern going on, so I decided to go with that look. 

This is another style that is quite simple.  I started with detangled, damp hair moisturized with Curls Creme' Brule and a light oil (review coming soon!)

I added the Creme' Brule to each section before cornrowing.

 C wanted to wear something to match her pretty green shirt, so I divided the cornrows into ponytails and added some Goody Ouchless ponytail holders.  I braided the cornrows from each ponytail together and added some pretty bows at the ends for more color.

This style only took around a half an hour to finish.  As I said, this is a very simple style and perfect for busy school mornings or nights when you don't have a lot of time to spend on hair.

I'm hoping to get creative and think of something more interesting, so stay tuned!  :) 

Twisted Banded Ponytail

As you know, I'm a big fan of quick and simple hairstyles!  Especially this past week, because I've been sick.  I wanted something simple enough to finish in as little time as possible, but also something that wouldn't leave C's hair knotted up at the end of the school day, causing even more work for me.

I was going to do a simple ponytail with one big 2 strand twist, but when I started twisting her hair I decided to go a little bit of a different way. 
I know this is pretty self explainatory!  :)   I moisturized and detangled C's hair with leave-in conditioner, Curls Creme Brule, and a little bit of Africa's Best Ultimate Herbal Oil to seal it in.
I gathered her hair into a fairly loose ponytail, then divided the hair into 2 sections and twisted each section counter clock-wise.  I added an Ouchless Goody ponytail holder after about every 3 inches, and continued twisting and banding to the end of C's hair.
Thats it!  The style only took 10 minutes total- most of that time was moisturizing.

I've been doing banded styles a lot lately.  They elongate C's curls, which shows off the length and also helps cut down on tangles. 

Lately I'm noticing C's hair seems to be missing something.  I know we need a better moisturizer for sure, but I feel like there is something I'm doing or not doing that C's hair doesn't agree with.  : /

Hmm- what to try next?...